employee of the millennium

18 March 2009 | Uncategorized | 102 Comments

INT. DAY - DUANE READE

CUSTOMER approaches CASHIER with single purchase. That purchase is BEANO, a dietary supplement that more often than not bars the voluble and/or odoriferous processes that accompany the digestion of complex sugars.

CASHIER
You find everything you need?

CUSTOMER
Yezzir.

The CASHIER picks up BEANO.

CASHIER
Huh. What’s this?

CUSTOMER
(mildly flustered)
It’s, like, you know how certain foods–vegetables, beans–

CASHIER
Oh, it’s like a protein thing? Like a protein pill?

CUSTOMER
…Sure. Yeah.

CASHIER turns over BEANO, examines the box upon which is emblazoned the words “Stop gas BEFORE it starts!”

CASHIER
Okay, a protein thing. Power-packed. You gotta take this every day?

CUSTOMER
No, just…whenever.

CASHIER
It help you wake up in the morning?

CUSTOMER
Uh, not really. It’s just, uh. Hm.

CASHIER
Man, they got MAD inventions out there! I’ve never even heard of this!

CASHIER smiles broadly. CUSTOMER scurries out.

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