Remember when HBO was raking in Emmys for sex, violence and morticians? Those were the nights, though. The Sopranos. Six Feet Under. The Wire. Television worth slippin' Junior a sleeping aid for. Then there was Chappelle's Show, which revolutionized sketch comedy. Well, somehow things have flipped: now it's the networks that got that crack, and cable's gone out like Tyrone Biggums.

In the post-Chappelle era, Comedy Central is straight lost--without the bridge that Dave built, their schedule seems schizophrenic, veering from the sophisticated Daily Show to redneck standup without rhyme or reason. FX? Rescue Me and Nip/Tuck are cool and all, but it ain't must-see TV. Even Boondocks is disappointing (Aaron, we feel your mission, but n-bombs on their own don't make for good satire). Meanwhile, HBO's scraping the bottom of the satellite dish. The Wire's between seasons, Larry David can only do so many dickheaded things before we get bored--inviting a sex offender to Passover dinner?--and Rome somehow managed to make women in togas boring. It's been what, three years since The Sopranos came around? Last time Jersey's first family graced our screens, Flavor Flav wasn't even famous again.

Speaking of which: c'mon, VH1, damn. Even Toccara in a tank top on Celebrity Fit Club doesn't cover up the fact that your pop-culture geniuses have lost the verve they showed back in the first iteration of I Love The '80s. Throwing C-listers at the wall and seeing what sticks isn't "programming," it's "pasta." And that goes double for you, Bravo.

Somehow, though, the networks (most of them, anyway--get your weight up, NBC!) have rebounded from their recent cable-inflicted drubbing in grand style. CBS has the always-watchable CSI juggernaut. ABC rides high with Lost, Desperate Housewives, and Grey's Anatomy, and Commander in Chief is turning in respectable ratings. Get Al Michaels a new partner on Monday Night Football, and we'll be good.

Still, for our money, Fox is the unsung hero of TV: 24 and Prison Break bring suspense without polar bears or pouting hausfraus, and on House, Hugh Laurie and Omar Epps deliver some of the better acting we've seen in a while. Meanwhile, UPN soldiers on, and most of the time doesn't even embarrass us. Everybody Loves Chris is the best sitcom since Arrested Development--pour out a lil' liquor for that one, by the way--and with some decent writing, Girlfriends could take advantage of a great ensemble. No, seriously.

It's enough for us to stomp out our cable box and save the $70...but we're not about to miss SportsCenter.